5 practical ways to lead behaviour change when there’s resistance

One of the most common frustrations I hear from leaders sounds something like this:

“I can see exactly what needs to change in their behaviour, but they’re just not changing.”

You’ve had the conversation (maybe more than once) with your team member, you’ve given them feedback or explained why it matters. And yet… nothing shifts.

Here’s the hard truth. You can’t make someone change. But you can create the conditions where change becomes far more likely.

So here are five practical, actionable ways to lead behaviour change when there’s resistance or inertia.

1. Start by checking: are they truly on board?

   Before jumping into action and persuasion mode, pause and ask yourself whether they genuinely understand and accept what’s being asked of them. Surface-level agreement (in other words: compliance) is not the same as commitment.

   You know the saying, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.”? In many cases, we haven’t even checked whether the horse is thirsty or even agrees that the water matters!

   At this point, your job is to:

   1. Raise awareness. Do they see the gap between current and expected performance?
   2. Provide choice. Do they feel they have agency, or are they being “done to”?
   3. Be honest. Are you clearly naming the impact of not changing?

   Instead of going straight into telling mode, ask them some good coaching questions like:

   • “If you were leading yourself here, what would you be pushing for?”
   • “What’s getting in the way of changing?  Let’s explore your concerns…”
   • “On a scale of 1–10, how committed are you to this? And why?” If they’re not at an 8 or above, you’ve got more work to do. Follow up with, “What would need to be true for this to become a 9 or 10 for you?”

2. Always start with their why (not yours)

   Too many leaders jump straight to focusing on what needs to change and how it should happen but skip the most important driver: why it matters (and here’s the important part…) to them, not to you. You need to recognise that your “why” is not automatically their “why.”

   Organisational goals, strategy shifts and performance metrics may matter deeply to you. But unless your team member can connect those things to something personally meaningful for them, you’ll come unstuck.

   Some questions to help them find their why:

   • “Why would this change matter for you personally? What might be some benefits of this change? Let’s come up with a couple...”
   • “What would make this change genuinely worth it for you?”
   • What are the benefits of staying where you are – but also, what are the downsides of staying where you are? (This explores both the benefits and downsides of current behaviour so it’s balanced and helps to raise self-awareness.)
   • What might happen for you if nothing changes?”

3. Identify what actually motivates this person

   Not everyone is driven by the same things. Some of us are motivated by growth, recognition, financial reward or promotion. For others, it’s team impact or purpose. For others, it’s stability and security.

   And importantly, motivation isn’t fixed. It shifts depending on context, stress, and life stage.

   So, understand and get to know your team member and what motivates them. Get specific. Here are some coaching questions to uncover that:

   • “What matters most to you right now in your work?”
   • “When have you felt most motivated here and why?”
   • “What would make this change feel worthwhile for you personally?”

   Then link the change directly to what they care about. If you can’t find a connection, don’t be surprised if the resistance remains.

4. Make the cost of not changing visible

   Here’s where many leaders hold back. We focus on encouraging the future state but avoid clearly naming the consequences of staying the same.

   The current state must feel more uncomfortable than the effort of change. Change always involves loss, whether that be loss of habits, comfort, identity or even loss of confidence. 

   I remember early in my leadership career realising that to become more performance focused (and respected as a leader), I had to give up being liked or ‘nice’. That was uncomfortable, but necessary.

   Be brave enough to have an honest conversation about the consequences of inaction. Remember, clear is kind. 

   • “What’s the impact if this doesn’t change?”
   • “What’s at risk - for you, the team, and the business if we don’t make this change?”

5. Adjust your expectations (without lowering your standards)

   Change is hard and not everyone will do it. You can do all the right things like create clarity, connect the change to a bigger purpose and support their individual growth, and then still face resistance. That doesn’t mean you lower the bar, but it does mean you let go of the illusion of control whilst holding people accountable with fairness and respect. Those things are within your control and are your responsibility as a leader.

   This might mean a mindset shift on your part. It can mean moving from “how do I make them change?” to “have I created every reasonable condition for change and been clear about the consequences?”

People don’t change because they’re told to. They change because something matters enough for them to do so. And the best leaders know how to help their people find those reasons.