Eight ways to stay true to the behaviour you meant to change

Ever caught yourself doing that thing you swore you’d never do again and thought, “Seriously? I’m still doing this? How have I not evolved past this or grown out of it by now?” 

Welcome to the human condition.

“How do you stay true to your new behaviour once you’ve committed to changing it?”

It’s the eternal struggle. If sticking to our good intentions were easy, we’d all be fit, calm, generous, patient, and living our best lives by February.

When it comes to leadership, those bad habits you want to kick to the curb have an impact on others too – things like conflict avoidance, micromanaging, over talking, reluctance to delegate, and losing composure under pressure. Becoming aware of a habit that’s holding you back as a leader is only half the battle. The real challenge is maintaining the change once the initial motivation wears off. And let’s be honest - the habits we most want to shift are usually the ones we’ve been practicing since childhood. They’re deep seated and sneaky suckers. They feel baked in. 

Sometimes we even disguise those habits as “strengths”. I certainly did. It’s likely served you at some points or been reinforced in some way. My example is that for years I was praised for “speaking up” in groups, and for saying the tough stuff others avoided. Over time, that strength morphed into an overused, slightly cringe worthy habit. I became the one who speaks first, even when I should have paused and let others contribute. It took years to unwind that pattern. And yes, I still slip when my emotions run high.

But long-term behaviour change is possible if you approach it deliberately.

Below are the most practical, real-world strategies I’ve learned through my own development and through coaching leaders.

Eight practical ways to stay on track even when you slip:

1. Build a mindfulness habit and make it tiny, daily, and specific

Mindfulness isn’t incense and chanting. It’s simply paying wise attention to what you’re doing.

Pick one small daily cue (a question, a mantra, a reminder on your desk) that keeps your new and improved behaviour front of mind.

Examples:

• “Pause before you speak.”
• “Done is better than perfect.”
• “Is this fact or interpretation?”

The trick is consistency. A 10 second daily check‑in beats a once-a-month epiphany.

2. Recruit an accountability buddy or what I call the challenging cheerleader

Ask a trusted colleague, friend, boss, or coach to:

• Nudge you when they see the old behaviour creeping in
• Acknowledge you when they see the new behaviour land well

One CEO I coached added “stop over‑talking” to his development plan every single year because he knew he’d relapse. That level of self‑honesty is gold.

3. Be kind to yourself (seriously)

My coach once said, “Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a friend.” Self‑flagellation doesn’t create change; awareness + compassion does.

4. Know your triggers

Ask yourself:

• What situations tend to bring out this behaviour in me?
• What emotions precede it?
• Who pushes my buttons?

Patterns make the behaviour predictable and therefore preventable.

5. Get brutally clear on the cost

Write down:

• How is this behaviour holding me back?
• How is it affecting my team?
• How is it impacting my reputation as a leader or my career?

Seeing the cost in black and white creates urgency.

6. Then write down the benefits of changing

On the same page, list the upsides of shifting the behaviour. Read both lists regularly. It keeps your “why” alive.

7. Find a role model and copy shamelessly

Who do you know who nails the behaviour you want to emulate? Study them. How do they act? What do they say? What do they not do?

Sometimes imagining how they would handle a situation gives you a clear in the moment behavioural blueprint.

8. Tap into the mountain metaphor

American rock climber Yvon Chouinard said, “How you climb a mountain is more important than reaching the top.” Behaviour change is exactly that. It’s a climb. You’ll slip, regain your footing and keep going.

The goal isn’t perfection. The goal is progress (repeated, imperfect, human progress).

How have you kept yourself true to your reformed behaviour? What tools help you get back on track after a relapse?